My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.