A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.