What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”