What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!