How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”