Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!