Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.