I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.