What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
The sun is just a big space heater.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”