Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!