I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.