I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!