How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge