I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.