I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
The superconductor left without resistance.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.