My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
The sun is just a big space heater.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”