What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.