I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."