Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.