What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.