Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
The sun is just a big space heater.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.