What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
The superconductor left without resistance.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”