How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
The sun is just a big space heater.
The superconductor left without resistance.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.