Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me