Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”