A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.