If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.