What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
