Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .