I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
The sun is just a big space heater.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.