My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
The sun is just a big space heater.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.