Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
