Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
The sun is just a big space heater.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"