Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Are you a red light because stop.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
So how many cats do you have?
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
My fridge is hotter than you.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.