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Position Jokes

Funny Haiku
Advice for those in,
a difficult position.
First, be flexible.
The Psycho's Snake
The Psycho's Snake A zoologist, a doctor, and a politician are kidnapped by an evil psychopath. The psychopath says "I'm going to get each of you to hold a snake for ten minutes, the most venomous snake in the world. If it doesn't bite you, I'll let you go. If you refuse, I'll shoot you." The zoologist approaches the snake carefully, then, using his knowledge, tries to grab the back of the snake's head. But the snake was quicker, and his hand got bit before it got 2 centimeters from the snake. He falls dead almost instantly. The doctor examines the snake, tries to find the best position to stop the snake from being uncomfortable, and holds it. The snake bites him, and he falls over dead. The politician is last up, he just mutters ‘screw it’ and holds the snake. To his amazement, the snake stays still, it doesn't bite him. He holds it for a full ten minutes and is set free.  After he leaves, the psycho looks at the snake and says "why didn't you kill that last one?" "Professional courtesy." Murmured the Snake. 
Flamingo Puns
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
Theater Puns
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.

Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
Soccer Puns
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
Spain Puns
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Penguin Puns
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
Ghost Puns
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
Bat Puns
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Ghoul Puns
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
Jokes For Women
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Space Pick Up Lines
Baby, you make my rover raise its mast into a vertical position.
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