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Before Jokes

If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a dime for every time I heard this joke, I’d have a dime. Never heard this one before!
Yard Puns
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
Garden Puns
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Space Pick Up Lines
Kiss me! Let me taste your sweet lips before the asteroid destroys earth
St. Peter and the Politicians
St. Peter and the Politicians St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates of Heaven When a group of politicians walked up. "Hey Petey, may we come in too Heaven?" asks one jovially. St. Peter replies "Well, we have never had a group of politicians come in to heaven before, let me ask God." He then turns around and goes to consult God. "My lord, there is a group of politicians at the pearly gates of Heaven. Should I let them in?" God thinks for a moment and says "We have never had politicians in Heaven before. Let's see how it goes. Let them in." St. Peter leaves God, only to come running back a few minutes later. "THEY'RE GONE!" He said. "The politicians?" "THE PEARLY GATES!!"
Classic Pick Up Lines
Haven’t I seen you before? Maybe in my dreams?
Drugstore Pick Up Lines
Girl, you're so expensive, my insurance is requiring prior authorization before our first date.
Literary Pick Up Lines
I could say that I wandered lonely as a cloud before I met you, but what are these Wordsworth if you won't go out with me?
Christian Pick Up Lines
Baby, we need to get together before Christmas, because you can't spell "love" with No-el.
Irish Puns
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
Elf Puns
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
I know you’ve turned me down before, but I’m asking for an extra shot.
Friendship Quotes
"I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me."
— Unknown
Funny Health Quotes
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
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