If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
So how many cats do you have?
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Are you a red light because stop.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
My fridge is hotter than you.
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