My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.