Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!