Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.