why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.