What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.