I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.