Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.