I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.