I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
All farts...are laughing gas.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?