How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.