My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.