Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.