Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!