I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Only a**holes use bidets.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.