My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
