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Writing Jokes

Literary Pick Up Lines
I like books, you like books, why don't we start writing the story of us?
Ancient Rome Puns
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Prison Puns
Why is Facebook like jail? You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you really don't know.
Phone Puns
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Theater Puns
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
Lamp Puns
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Writing to Baby Jesus
A child from a poor family wanted a bike for Christmas, so he asked his mother. His mother replied, "Well, we can't afford one so you'll just have to go ask the baby Jesus.' The boy went to his room, got a stack of refill and a pen and began writing: 'Dear Baby Jesus, I've been good all year, can you please give me a bike for Christmas.' Then he looked at it and thought maybe that wasn't entirely true, so he tried again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, I've been good for the past week, can you please give me a bike for Christmas.' Then he looked at it again and still wasn't sure if that was true, so he tried yet again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, if you give me a bike, I'll be good all year.' But even then that seemed too hard, so he took a walk outside to think about it. As he was walking, he saw his neighbor's statue of Mother Mary. The boy hopped over the fence, tucked it under his shoulder and ran home to hide it. Then wrote his letter again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again, give me a bike!'
History Puns
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Gnome Puns
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Funny Birthday Poems
Remember the city,
Remember the town,
Remember the s/he who ruined your birthday card.
By writing inside upside down!
I have known you quite a while,
When you talk, you make me smile.
A special friend, I will probably keep,
If you buy me a cool jeep.

It’s your birthday, I nearly forgot,
Searched on-line, bought you squat.
Hope you don’t turn all bitter,
Since you’ve never been a quitter.

I nearly quit, writing this verse,
Mind is blank, it’s a curse,
Soon your party will be here,
If I wake up, I’ll surely appear.

(Martin Dejnicki)
Keyboard Puns
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Puns
What is writing in sand called?
Sandscript.
Mummy Puns
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Elf Puns
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Funny Marriage Quotes
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien