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Wood Jokes

Stove Puns
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Grass Puns
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
Heart Puns
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Valentines Day Puns
I wood never leaf you.
Orange Puns
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Tiger Puns
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Yeti/ Bigfoot Puns
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
Corona Virus Jokes
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
His Excellent Memory
Three old men are discussing their failing memories. The first old man says, "Today I was at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember if I had just gone up or was about to go down." The second old man says, "I was sitting at the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember if I was about to sleep or just woke up." The third man scoffs and says, "My memory is as good as ever, knock on wood." With this he hits the table twice with his knuckle, looks up in surprise and yells "Who's there?"
Beaver Puns
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Mummy Puns
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Yard Puns
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
The Beatles Pick Up Lines
Wanna see my norwegian wood?
Girl, you must be a Beatles song, because look at this Long, Long, Long Norwgian Wood.
Pun Puns
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?