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Three Jokes

Tableware Puns
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Food Quotes
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
Little Johnny Counts to 10
The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." "Can you tell me what comes after three?" "Four," answers little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven," answers little Johnny. "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?" "A jack," answers little Johnny.
Funny Health Quotes
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
Classic Pick Up Lines
You’re once, twice, three times a lady.
Ghoul Puns
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
Fairy Puns
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"

The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."

The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Funny Work Quotes
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
How Much Do You Charge?
A man finds himself in need of a good lawyer. He finds one online and goes to his office. After being allowed inside, he sits across from the lawyer. He needs legal help, but he wants to make sure he can afford it first. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” he asks. “Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $800 to answer three questions.” The man was alarmed. “Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?” He inquired. “Yes it is”, answers the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”
Garden Quotes
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
Pea Puns
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Ancient Greek Monster Puns
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
Space Pick Up Lines
I need three things: The sun for the day, The moon for the night, and you for the whole life.