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Sleeping Jokes

Quotes
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
Dave Barry
Funny Animal Quotes
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
Toilet Paper Puns
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Werewolf Puns
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
Toxic Pick Up Lines
If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you.
Medical Puns
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
History Puns
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Bed Puns
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Pea Puns
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Ghoul Puns
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
When my cat sleeps, he snoozes
Inside the laundry basket,
Or on top of a tree,
Crammed inside a shelf,
Where no-one can see.
In empty shopping bags,
And cartons made of cardboard,
On piles of books and newspapers,
And suitcases that are stored.
Curled up under furniture,
In places we’d never think to look.
Or nestled behind a flower pot,
In a hard to find nook.
Since my cat sleeps for at least sixteen hours each day
He must be bored of sleeping in the same old way!

(Santhini Govindan)
The Rabbi's Wife
At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, "I need a favor. I'm sleeping with the Rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?" Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed. After services, he struck up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions - just to keep him occupied. After some time the wise Rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving what are you really up to?" Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confessed to the Rabbi, "I'm sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied." The Rabbi smiled, put a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder and said, "You'd better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago."
Yeti/ Bigfoot Puns
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
Frankenstein Puns
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
One Liners and Short Jokes
I walked in on my girlfriend sleeping with her personal trainer.
Me: "Ok, this isn't working out."
Taco Puns
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.