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Sit Jokes

Toilet Paper Puns
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Gorilla Puns
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Funny Money Quotes
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
A Child With Chocolate
A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five". The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?" "No" says the boy, "he minded his own bloody business."
Sink Puns
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Witch Puns
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
Sports Pick Up Lines
Would you sit on my feet while I do push ups?
Ancient Rome Puns
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Frankenstein Puns
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
Ogre Puns
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
Funny Work Quotes
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
Funny Animal Quotes
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
Funny Parenting Quotes
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”

- Lane Olinghouse.
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
A dog and his bone was on the roam,
Where can I find this bone a home?
Will I bury it next to the tree?
No, too easy for others to see.

What about next to the garden shed?
Maybe in the middle of the garden bed,
Behind the sty where the pigs all are,
What about somewhere right away far.

I think I know what I will do,
I'll just sit down and have a chew,
Tomorrow will be another new day,
I'll find a spot then for the bone to stay.

(John Williams)
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
When you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back ou because
The dumb dog has to go.
Mother doesn’t wat a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead
They do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
She’s making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think
She will not want this snake.

(Judith Viorst)
The New Sergeants
Two Army boys, Leroy & Jasper, from the hills of Kentucky, were promoted right from privates to sergeants because of their great marksmanship with rifles. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, There's the NCO Club. Let's you and Me stop in." "But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm a gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But we's privates," says Jasper. "Are you blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. We's sergeants now, so hush your mouth!" So they have their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea." "Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back and gives Leroy the big okay sign. Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. "Jasper," he says, "why did you give me the okay sign?" "Well Leroy, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes with a big smile. "But we's sergeants now!"