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Shot Jokes

Chuck Norris Jokes
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Coffee Shop Pick Up Lines
I know you’ve turned me down before, but I’m asking for an extra shot.
Monster Puns
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Tableware Puns
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
A Duel For Love
A man gets home early from work and catches his wife in bed with another man... The husband challenges the other man to an old fashioned duel with his hand guns, whoever manages to shoot first and kill the other gets his wife. The other man agrees, so they go into another room so the wife doesn't have to see it. Once in the other room, the husband turns to the other man and says: "Why should either of us have to die? We will both fire a shot into the air and lay on the ground as if we're dead, when she comes in she will see our 'lifeless' bodies and rush to one of us, whoever she chooses can have her." The other man agrees again, so they fire into the air and collapse. The wife throws the door open and peers down at the two men, then backs out of the room and calls out: "Darling, you can come out! They're both dead!"
The Dentist and the Viagra
The other day, a gentleman went to the Dentist's office to have a tooth pulled. The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot. "No way! No needles! I hate needles", the man said. The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected. "I can't do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!" The Dentist then asks the gentleman if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection", the man said. "I'm fine with pills". The Dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet". The gentleman, totally at a loss for words, said in amazement, "WOW, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!" "It doesn't", said the Dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."
Spouse Puns
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend but he kept asking her for another shot.
Mexican Pick Up Lines
I see you've got some tequila there, does that mean you're willing to give me a shot?
I may not be your cup of tea, but I'm a great shot of tequila.
Funny Animal Quotes
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
Funny Work Quotes
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."
Color Puns
In the paintball game, I shot a guy thrice. He dyed on impact.
The Special Golf Ball
Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball. "Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one." Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?" "That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it." "Well, what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?" The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem." Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?" "No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark." Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?" The other guy replies, "I found it."
Irish Puns
Jameson on St. Patrick’s Day? It’s worth a shot.
Spine Puns
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Going to See the Doctor
It was early morning and an old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said,"Where are you going?" He said, "I'm going to the doctor." And she said, "Why, are you sick?" "No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills." So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?" She said, "I'm going to the doctor, too." "Why?" She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again then I'm going to get a tetanus shot!"
Corona Virus Jokes
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.