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Saying Jokes

Funny Parenting Quotes
"When I tell my kids I'll do something in a minute, what I'm really saying is "Please forget." - @SarcasticMommy4
Friendship Quotes
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘D***, that was fun.'”
— Groucho Marx
Elf Puns
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Literary Pick Up Lines
I'm no Jane, but I'd Eyre on the side of saying I think you're beautiful.
Funny Money Quotes
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
Tiger Puns
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
Orange Puns
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Ogre Puns
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
Cherry Puns
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
Funny Aging Quotes
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
Werewolf Puns
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
Onion Puns
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.