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Report Jokes

25 Years For Being Lazy
In a prison in China, prisoners are discussing who's in for what and for how long. "Hey, Zhang- what are you in for?" Zhang: "Strangled my wife's lover to death. Got 15 years. How about you, Wei?" Wei: "I got 10 years for robbery and stabbing. What about you, Wang?" Wang: "I got 5 years for attempted rape. What about you, Liu?" Liu: "25 years for being lazy." All the other prisoners: "WHAT?! HOW?" Liu sighs. "Well, my neighbor and I were playing Go and after few shots of wine, started telling jokes about Jinping and the government. After my neighbor left, I thought to myself: "I should go to the government and report him". But it was late and I was tired, so I decided to go just wait until the morning and went to sleep.  My neighbor, on the other hand, wasn't as lazy..."
History Puns
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Funny Money Quotes
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
Romantic Pick Up Lines
Please don’t go now. Else, I would have to go to the police station and report you to the cops. You just stole my heart.
Dog Puns
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Blond Jokes
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.

Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.

Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Color Puns
The color of the sky can help in predicting the weather. It gives a fair report of the hue-midity.
Mummy Puns
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Coffee Puns
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Doctor Puns
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
Ancient Rome Puns
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Mother Puns
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Cow Puns
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
One Liners for Kids
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Blonde Jokes
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"