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Order Jokes

Giant Puns
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
Tableware Puns
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Are You Done With That Chili, Pal?
A hungry guy really fancies a bowl of hot chili. He sees a diner just up the street, so he decides to head there. A pretty waitress shows him to his seat, and he promptly places his order. The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl". He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself". He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about halfway down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too."
Monster Puns
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
Garden Puns
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Funny Work Quotes
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
The Obituary
Betsy and Dan were married for 25 years. They were famous for fighting and generally disliking each other. One the 26th year Dan had a heart attack and died. A few days later Betsy walks into the local newspaper's office and asks to post an obituary. The Ad Editor informs her, "We can do 4 lines with a maximum of 80 words for $100". "Nah." She says, "That's a a lot of money and he didn't do much. What else you got?" "Ok," Says the editor awkwardly. "We can do 3 lines and a maximum of 25 words for $35." "Nope, still too expensive..." She grimaces. "What else ya got?" Flustered, the ad man wants to get her out the door and tells her, "We have the economy options - 2 lines, 5 words max, $5." She agrees. So he fills out the order and asks, "okay, what do you want it to say?" She thinks for a moment and then says: "Dan's dead. Car for sale."
Ancient Greek Monster Puns
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
Pot Puns
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Frankenstein Puns
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
Funny Animal Quotes
“In order to maintain a well­-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
Orange Puns
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Meat Puns
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Food Quotes
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard