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Medical Jokes

Flamingo Puns
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
Nurse Puns
How do nurses and doctors keep people from lying about their medical history?
They use the de-FIB-rillator.
Family Puns
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children.
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from.
Orange Puns
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Monster Puns
Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Funny Aging Quotes
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
Seal Puns
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.