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Leave Jokes

Sorry Pick Up Lines
Sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re making the other girls look bad.
Funny Poems
I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are – on my head!
(Anne Scott)
Nuts Puns
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Food Quotes
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
Crow Puns
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
Peach Puns
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Ogre Puns
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
A Little Girl Feels Sick at Church
A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?" "No," her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" exclaimed the girl. "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush," said her mother. After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes," the little girl replied. "How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?" her mother asked. "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." Smiled her little girl proudly. "They have a box next to the front door that says: 'For the Sick.'"
Water Sports Pick Up Lines
I’m like the smell of chlorine – I’ll never leave you.
Funny Break Up Lines
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Toxic Pick Up Lines
Do you have to leave so soon? I was just going to poison your drink.
Yeti/ Bigfoot Puns
Why does Bigfoot only leave footprints behind?
Sasquatch doesn't litter in the great outdoors.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
Funny Money Quotes
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
Funny Work Quotes
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous