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Laugh Jokes

Little Johnny and the Hammer
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother, concerned at her boy's tears, asked, "What’s the matter little Johnny?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb bang on with the hammer!" said little Johnny through his tears. His mother was touched by the boy's sensitivity, but didn't like seeing him cry. "That’s not so serious." She tried to soothe him. "Now I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. That's something to laugh about." "I did!" sobbed Johnny.
Funny Animal Quotes
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”

- Max Eastman.
Spouse Puns
Why didn’t my husband laugh at my awesome ice cream joke?
Because he was laughtose intolerant.
Onion Puns
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who Has the Worst Marriage?
Three married men are sitting in a pool club and arguing over who has the worst marriage. One of the men says, “I have it the worst. My prudish wife won’t sleep with me more than once a month!. She refuses!" The other men shake their heads. One of them asks, “what did you do about it?” The man says “I slept with that horny blonde over there by the pool table. Unlike my wife, she’ll do anything.” The men laugh. The second man says, “You think that’s bad? My uptight wife won’t even sleep with me once a year!" The other men shake their heads and one of them asks, “so, what did you do about it?” The man says “I got my rocks off with that same slutty blonde over there by the pool table. She’ll literally do any guy." The men laugh, then the third man says, “That too bad for you guys, but honestly, I definitely have it the worst.” The men say, “what’s the problem with your wife?” The man says, “Well for one, she’s always down here playing pool...”
Gorilla Puns
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
Garden Puns
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Ancient Greek Monster Puns
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Gnome Puns
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Monster Puns
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
Beaver Puns
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
Food Quotes
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
Funny Birthday Poems
My funny guy, when I look at you,
Making faces, as you do,
To make me giggle, and keep me happy,
When I’m feeling down or sad or cr****,
I see someone who’s man enough
To just be silly, instead of tough
To give me gladness, bliss and joy,
That’s my man; that’s my big boy.
Happy birthday to the man
Who makes me laugh, because he can.
I’m sure people make jokes about getting older
You politely laugh with a quiet smoulder
I know you, always being so polite
Jokes about getting older aren’t always right
Don’t worry about it, age is just a number
Don’t you ever let anyone steal your thunder!
Happy Birthday!
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
Canary-birds feed on sugar and seed,
Parrots have crackers to crunch;
And, as for the poodles, they tell me the noodles
Have chickens and cream for their lunch.
But there’s never a question
About MY digestion—
Anything does for me!

Cats, you’re aware, can repose in a chair,
Chickens can roost upon rails;
Puppies are able to sleep in a stable,
And oysters can slumber in pails.
But no one supposes
A poor Camel dozes—
Any place does for me!

...

People would laugh if you rode a giraffe,
Or mounted the back of an ox;
It’s nobody’s habit to ride on a rabbit,
Or try to bestraddle a fox.
But as for a Camel, he’s
Ridden by families—
Any load does for me!

(Charles E. Carryl)
Werewolf Puns
Why did the werewolf laugh while chewing on the skeleton?
He got to the funny bone.
A Scientific Roast
A philosopher, a mathematician, a chemist and a physicist were at coffee shop. The physicist turns to the chemist sitting next to him and says "You know, chemistry is just applied physics!" They all laugh a bit at the chemist. The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!" They all share a laugh at the physicist. At which point, the philosopher interjects, "And mathematics is just applied philosophy!" The laughter roars even louder. The mathematician turns to the philosopher and says: "That's funny. Now shut up and bring me the coffee I ordered."