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Hour Jokes

Train Puns
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
British Pick Up Lines
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
Dolphin Puns
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
Halloween Puns
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Tableware Puns
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
That's What You Get For Speeding
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner. The guy looked really down, so to cheer him up a bit he said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," came the gloomy answer from the cell. "I'm the groom."
Cosmetics Puns
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Deer Puns
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Travel Pick Up Lines
A 9 hour time difference wouldn't keep me from you.
Funny Work Quotes
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
Upholding Standards
It was the beginning of a new academic year at the college, and the freshmen were beginning to arrive. The job of introducing the newcomers to their new surroundings belonged to the Dean of Women. During the opening speech of the lecture, the Dean saw fit to bring up the subject of sexual morality, in line with the college's conservative values. She asked the freshmen: "In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" The freshmen half-heartedly muttered in agreement, and the lecture went on without interruption. At the end of the lecture, the Dean decided to ask the freshmen if they had any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said: "How do you make it last for a whole hour??"
Funny Health Quotes
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
Toaster Puns
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Toxic Pick Up Lines
Are you crippling depression and anxiety? Because you haunt me at every waking hour.
Mexican Pick Up Lines
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
Sports Pick Up Lines
I know a fun activity that can burn 500 calories an hour...